Proposal
by El loopy
Summary: [P and P] What Lizzie might have been thinking as Mr Collins proposed. Latest Film version. Oneshot.


**I've tried to keep the language accurate, even in Elizabeth's thoughts because I'm assuming that you'd think in the way that you speak. I'm not a big fan of this one. Not my best work but just something I had to get out of my system. Whether you find it amusing or not is entirely down to your sense of humour. I wasn't deliberately trying to be funny. I also hope Elizabeth is in character. Based off recent movie.**

**_Italics is Elizabeth's thoughts_**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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Proposal

Lizzie chatted amiably to Jane in good spirits. Despite the frequent humiliations of the night before, curtsey of her family, she had nevertheless enjoyed herself and was now reliving every other moment with her dear sister over her breakfast. She did notice Mr Collins enter the room from the corner of her eye but paid very little mind to what he was saying…until she heard her name.

"Would it possible to talk to Miss Elizabeth in the course of the morning?"

Lizzie lifted her head sharply, eyes wide and frantic.

_Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! I cannot conceive this is happening!_

"Certainly. Lizzie will be very happy indeed."

_No I'm not!_

"Everyone out. Mr Collins would like a private word with your sister."

_Why did I end up with such a mother? I do not deserve this!_

"No, I beg of you, Mr Collins can have nothing to say to me that anybody may not hear."

"No nonsense Lizzie, I desire you to stay where you are. Everyone else to the drawing room. Mr Bennet…"

"But…"

"Now!"

_They're all leaving! They're all leaving! Why are they leaving me? _

_Urg, I feel ill. _

"Jane. Jane. Jane."

There was no response to her pleading as her sister was dragged from the room. Lizzie only got a glimpse of her sympathetic eyes before the door shut.

_Papa_…_oh please Papa! Do not go! _

Mr Bennet lowered his eyes guiltily and left the room.

She was left alone with Mr Collins.

_Look straight ahead. Do not make eye contact. Do not encourage him in any way…what is that? Is that a flower? That is...feeble to say the least. Do not take it, it will only encourage him. Oh no, what if he decides to KISS me?_

_My stomach feels so heavy._

"Dear Miss Elizabeth,"

_DEAR? Since when have I given him leave to address me as dear? Oh this is going to be horrid._

"I'm sure my intentions have been too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I entered the house…"

_Almost? Of course, you wanted Jane didn't you? Well, at least he's honest._

"…I singled you out as the companion of my future life."

_How very fortunate for_ _me._

"But before I am run away with my feelings…"

_Run away? This is your idea of being so deeply in love that you can't contain it?_

"…perhaps I may state my reasons for marrying."

_Oh good grief! If I don't stop him now I could be here till next week!_

"Mr Col…"

"Firstly…"

_…he cut me off! _

"…that it is the duty of a clergyman to set the example of matrimony in his parish,"

_Ah, duty. An excellent reason._

"Secondly I am convinced that it will add greatly to my happiness,"

_Why on earth do you think that? I would probably make you miserable._

"…and thirdly that it is at the urging of my esteemed Patroness Lady Catherine that I select a wife."

_Oh bravo. We have now reached the crux of the matter. You wish to get into her ladyship's good graces and I'm just what you need. Lovely to know. _

"My object in coming to Longbourn was to choose such a one from among Mr Bennet's daughters…"

_That's really appreciated that you came here to mentally assess us like we're some sort of animal you wish to purchase!_

"…for I am to inherit the estate and such an alliance will surely suit everyone."

_Except me! Are you actually going to enquire of me whether I want to marry you, or not?_

"And now nothing remains but to assure you in the most animated language of the violence of my affections."

_If he tries to kiss me I'll scream. I really MUST stop him! _

"Mr Collins!"

_Oh good Lord he's down on one knee._

"And that no reproach on the subject of fortune will cross my lips once we are married."

_Ah, the fortune argument. _

"You are too hasty sir. You forget that I have given no answer."

"I must add that Lady Catherine will thoroughly approve when I speak to her of your modesty, economy and other amiable qualities."

_Is he just ignoring me? And why should I be concerned with what her ladyship thinks of me?_

"Sir I am honoured by your proposal but I regret that I must decline it."

"I know ladies don't seek to seem too eager…"

_With you? I can't imagine why._

"Mr Collins I am perfectly serious. You could not make me happy and I am convinced that I am the last person in the world who could make you happy."

_Now, take the hint and leave me be._

"I flatter myself cousin that your refusal is merely a natural delicacy. Besides you must take into account that despite manifold attractions it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made to you."

_EXCUSE ME!_

"Mr Collins!"

"So I must simply conclude that you seek to increase my love by suspense…"

_Take no for an answer will you!_

"Sir…"

"…according to the usual practise of elegant females."

_Quick, he's stopped to breathe! Speak now or forever hold your peace._

"Sir, I am not the sort of female to torment a respectable man. Please understand me I cannot accept you."

_He's going to open his mouth again! Get out of there!_

So without further hesitation Elizabeth fled the room, leaving behind a bewildered minister.


End file.
